Just back from the docs and that’s me back on the Citalopram… apparently this new doc thinks I was on too low a dose last time, so I’m starting on 10mg but going up to 20mg in two weeks. Been feeling a bit better the last few days, but I’m basically in the middle of the deepest depression I’ve been in for about three or four years…
So, if there’s anyone out there I’ve ignored, if there’s anything I’ve forgotten, emails not replied to, deadlines missed, that sort of thing, over the last three weeks, I’m sorry, but I’ll hopefully get on top of things by the end of this week. And of course, there will no doubt be some strips to follow as I start back to therapy and try this whole thing again!
…but thankfully it’s still not as bad as it’s been in the past. Self awareness is a hard journey, but it helps you put things in perspective when the black dog does return. For instance, while I’m feeling this shitty way, I know it’s temporary, and that I can ride it out if I just have patience. In the past, it felt all-consuming, and like it would never end.
Some links if this is something you experience yourself:
Living Life to the Full
The single best thing you can do if you’re feeling shitty is to get it dealt with. Go see your GP, contact a local counselling service, or even just talk to a friend or family member. The worst thing you can do with depression is to bottle it up – it will get worse. Feelings of isolation are worsened by depression, but talking about it does help.
Person Centred Counselling tends to be more suited to depression and anxiety, while CBT is best for short term anxiety problems, although it also depends on your own personality type, so talk it over with a GP or free counselling telephone service.
Feel free to comment too or send a message if you want to share.
If you’re into weird, 70s influenced electronic music mixed with folk (and let’s face it, who isn’t? ) you should check out Belbury Poly from Ghost Box Records. This piece is a lift from their song “My Hands”, a short, fantastic piece with possibly a sample from somewhere I don’t know.
This is a kind of precursor to me talking more about some spiritual stuff I want to cover – God does leave a space to be filled in our lives, and in the West, when we decondition from religion, we’re not provided with easily available ways to deal with that. Hence spiritual crisis etc.
More on that topic later…
Please don’t call the p’lice. I’m not a knife wielding murderer, honest. It’s a visual metaphor!
This is literally to most honest thing I’ve ever drawn or posted in my life, the deepest I’ve ever gone, and potentially the most self pitying I’ve ever been in public but fuck it, it needed to come out. All you cool and groovy straight guys I know, don’t think this in any way diminishes your importance to me – I’m talking about groups, that’s when I feel it most. The social structures of heterosexuality, that kind of thing. The same doesn’t apply in more structured groups either, by the way.
And if you’re at all unsure of what all this means, or want to know, I’m totally down with you leaving a comment, tweeting, FB’ing or ‘ask’ing me depending on what method of social transportation you’re using to read this 🙂