Just back from the docs and that’s me back on the Citalopram… apparently this new doc thinks I was on too low a dose last time, so I’m starting on 10mg but going up to 20mg in two weeks. Been feeling a bit better the last few days, but I’m basically in the middle of the deepest depression I’ve been in for about three or four years…
So, if there’s anyone out there I’ve ignored, if there’s anything I’ve forgotten, emails not replied to, deadlines missed, that sort of thing, over the last three weeks, I’m sorry, but I’ll hopefully get on top of things by the end of this week. And of course, there will no doubt be some strips to follow as I start back to therapy and try this whole thing again!
I’m pretty excited to share this guest post with you from SICBA Award Winner John Lees, a writer from Glasgow.
He was undertaking the free MOOC (online course) called Gender Through Comic Books (which I started but gave up due to not being able to give it the time it needed), and one of the tasks was to make your own comic strip. Here’s what John says about it:
“The big assignment for the course was to create your own comic about your experiences with gender. I was stumped on what to do for the longest time. What had happened in my life regarding my experiences with my straight-white-male gender that would be noteworthy enough to make a comic out of? My longtime enjoyment of TV seriesDesperate Housewives? In the end, I ended up cheating a bit by writing something that may not quite have actually happened to me, but hopefully speaks to my experience with masculinity and the stereotypes and conventions that come with it. As ever, apologies for the ropey art!”
I really like the art!
Utterly brilliant eh?
My first SSRI for aaages. Like it says, I’ve just finished 20 weeks of therapy at Strathclyde, for social anxiety, but dealing with broader issues too. And it’s been a real uphill journey – each time I’ve thought I was getting somewhere, along would come some family issue or another to throw a spanner in the works.
But generally, my anxiety’s improved. The only thing is that right at the end of the course, I realised that underneath it all, I have bad depression. I’ve had it pretty much unbroken since I was 14, but I think in my mid-20s I found a way to just ignore it, and pretend it wasn’t an issue. But it is an issue – it leaves me without motivation, willpower, and makes small problems seem big, it encourages prevarication, and when it’s at its worst, I basically become comatose and can’t really do anything.
But all that said, I’m glad I know. I think the anxiety is the sort of outward manifestation of it – it’s the part of me that gets nervous that people will know underneath that I’m depressed. The part of me that is depressed, and wants to stay at home, screaming inside my head that the world is a bad, fearful place. It’s all inextricably linked. And now that the screaming has died down, I’ve had an opportunity to look this place inside me head on, and recognised it as something I’ve had for twenty (TWENTY!) years, and never dealt with…